I have had the urge to say this for several months. It kind of makes me mad when I see the little yellow smiley-faced stars on FOR SALE signs in front of houses. The smiley faced star says, "$8,000 tax credit!"
Sorry, to tell you, but you don't get the "credit" unless you paid $8,000 in taxes to the federal government in the previous tax year. A lot of us didn't make enough dough to get taxed $8,000, and if we did, we probably already got a lot of it back in a tax refund, depending on our charitable giving, medical expenses, and family size. So while you might get something back from Uncle Sam for buying a home, it will only be as much as the government already got out of you (which it has not already refunded).
Whatever you get, it is my understanding that it is a rebate -- not a house-warming gift.
I have heard people INSIST that this is not true. I think it is. If I am totally out of touch, someone please correct me.
Update: I may stand corrected. See the comments. The way I read the IRS website, I appear to be wrong. But I have heard a professional lender (who spoke in one of my classes) indicate what I first believed. Who knows? Maybe somone who got their whole $8,000? Are you out there?
11/05/2009
10/30/2009
I Think I Ate About 4500 Useless Calories Today
Tara and I were talking, and I told her how yucky I feel. Then I remembered that I went to two Halloween parties today, and in sum, I have eaten:
2 hot dogs
1 bowl of chili
Lots of corn chips
Apple slices.... smothered in caramel dip
Two pieces of pound cake
A scoop of banana pudding
Lots of candy (Nerds, Reese's Pieces, M&Ms, Kit Kats...) -- I LOVE NERDS.
a Pepsi
[that was lunch]
3 ... yes 3... corn dogs
More corn chips
Pigs in a blanket
a chocolate cupcake with creme filling
Sweet tea
Kool-aid
[that was dinner]
Is that not the most disgusting thing you have ever seen when you put it all together in a list? I am so embarrassed of myself. I usually eat at least something green every day... and not so many processed pig entrails. Siiiiiiick.
Good thing I am running in the morning. Good night.
2 hot dogs
1 bowl of chili
Lots of corn chips
Apple slices.... smothered in caramel dip
Two pieces of pound cake
A scoop of banana pudding
Lots of candy (Nerds, Reese's Pieces, M&Ms, Kit Kats...) -- I LOVE NERDS.
a Pepsi
[that was lunch]
3 ... yes 3... corn dogs
More corn chips
Pigs in a blanket
a chocolate cupcake with creme filling
Sweet tea
Kool-aid
[that was dinner]
Is that not the most disgusting thing you have ever seen when you put it all together in a list? I am so embarrassed of myself. I usually eat at least something green every day... and not so many processed pig entrails. Siiiiiiick.
Good thing I am running in the morning. Good night.
My Least Favorite Homonyms
You may note how infrequently I blog about mad grammar skills. (It has been 9 months!) I think that this is a good thing. If I blogged about mad grammar skills everyday, I would have 50% fewer friends. (Note that you should say "fewer friends" rather than "less friends.") I polled you guys once, and when I did, half of you said you didn't care about grammar at all. (FOR SHAME!) But alas, this is the sad shape of our society.
Half of you have clicked away and are reading someone else's blog. But for the rest of you...
I have probably mentioned this before, but I only blog about grammar issues that I think are: (1) especially interesting; or (2) especially annoying. I don't just sit down and start blogging about comma splices like it's my job. I say this to make certain that you know that my topic today is important to me. Not getting this topic -homonyms - says that you slept through elementary school. Homonyms are not that hard to learn or recognize; that's why they're taught in third grade rather than tenth, but alas, no one remembers third grade.
Homonyms are words that always sound alike, but they have different meanings and spellings. The classic set of homonyms that you should have learned in third grade is: their/there/they're. I see adults booger these three words up all the time. ALL THE TIME! And it makes me go bonkers. I see there/their/they're used a lot like this:
I just talked to Ben and Tara; their not coming to dinner tonight.
Excuse me? Their what is not coming to dinner?
Poor Ben and Tara; there house burned down!
There house? As opposed to the other house that is nearer than that there house that burned?
PEOPLE! Save yourselves from this crooked and perverse generation that does not know that "their" and "there" and "they're" are three wholly different words and spellings! Because all three are legitimate words, you cannot depend on the red squiggly lines to show up on spell-check. You just have to learn that:
"There" is a place. Like, you know, over there is where you can find the people who made a C on their essays because they couldn't spell "there."
"Their" is a third person possessive pronoun. Like, their homonyms, their English classes, or their ability to spell correctly.
"They're" is a contraction for "they are." Like, they're never going to learn these things, so why do I bother to tell them.
There/their/they're. Third grade! That's when you learned this, I promise.
So basically, if you can't tell, I have a very low tolerance for their/there/they're mistakes. When I see one of these mistakes, I have to count backwards and remember that Jesus loves everybody. It is so upsetting.
I have more sympathy for people who mix up it's and its. I still catch myself confusing these, but I usually make the correction before embarrassing myself. Just remember: the apostrophe in it's is there for the "i" you took out of "is". It is = it's. On the other hand, its = the possessive pronoun.
Another upsetting set of homonyms is capital/Capitol. Living in Montgomery, a capital city, and in a neighborhood named for its proximity to the Capitol, I encounter misspellings of these words a lot. It bugs me most when I see it in the newspaper, since the people that work for the newspaper ought to know better. When normal people mess this up, I am more forgiving, unless it is on a wedding invitation. (Your reception is being held at the Capital City Club... not Capitol City Club.)
If you want to know the rule, you should always spell it with an "a" unless you're referencing the physical building. That's all there is to it.
Business capital, capital city, capital punishment, capital letters, etc. = OK
Capitol building = OK
Capitol Heights = OK, because the neighborhood is named for its proximity to the building with the white dome.
Well, that was a lot to get off my chest all at once. Thanks for obliging me.
Half of you have clicked away and are reading someone else's blog. But for the rest of you...
I have probably mentioned this before, but I only blog about grammar issues that I think are: (1) especially interesting; or (2) especially annoying. I don't just sit down and start blogging about comma splices like it's my job. I say this to make certain that you know that my topic today is important to me. Not getting this topic -homonyms - says that you slept through elementary school. Homonyms are not that hard to learn or recognize; that's why they're taught in third grade rather than tenth, but alas, no one remembers third grade.
Homonyms are words that always sound alike, but they have different meanings and spellings. The classic set of homonyms that you should have learned in third grade is: their/there/they're. I see adults booger these three words up all the time. ALL THE TIME! And it makes me go bonkers. I see there/their/they're used a lot like this:
I just talked to Ben and Tara; their not coming to dinner tonight.
Excuse me? Their what is not coming to dinner?
OR
Poor Ben and Tara; there house burned down!
There house? As opposed to the other house that is nearer than that there house that burned?
PEOPLE! Save yourselves from this crooked and perverse generation that does not know that "their" and "there" and "they're" are three wholly different words and spellings! Because all three are legitimate words, you cannot depend on the red squiggly lines to show up on spell-check. You just have to learn that:
"There" is a place. Like, you know, over there is where you can find the people who made a C on their essays because they couldn't spell "there."
"Their" is a third person possessive pronoun. Like, their homonyms, their English classes, or their ability to spell correctly.
"They're" is a contraction for "they are." Like, they're never going to learn these things, so why do I bother to tell them.
There/their/they're. Third grade! That's when you learned this, I promise.
So basically, if you can't tell, I have a very low tolerance for their/there/they're mistakes. When I see one of these mistakes, I have to count backwards and remember that Jesus loves everybody. It is so upsetting.
I have more sympathy for people who mix up it's and its. I still catch myself confusing these, but I usually make the correction before embarrassing myself. Just remember: the apostrophe in it's is there for the "i" you took out of "is". It is = it's. On the other hand, its = the possessive pronoun.
Another upsetting set of homonyms is capital/Capitol. Living in Montgomery, a capital city, and in a neighborhood named for its proximity to the Capitol, I encounter misspellings of these words a lot. It bugs me most when I see it in the newspaper, since the people that work for the newspaper ought to know better. When normal people mess this up, I am more forgiving, unless it is on a wedding invitation. (Your reception is being held at the Capital City Club... not Capitol City Club.)
If you want to know the rule, you should always spell it with an "a" unless you're referencing the physical building. That's all there is to it.
Business capital, capital city, capital punishment, capital letters, etc. = OK
Capitol building = OK
Capitol Heights = OK, because the neighborhood is named for its proximity to the building with the white dome.
Well, that was a lot to get off my chest all at once. Thanks for obliging me.
10/29/2009
My Achy Breaky Mistakey*
*the Achy Breaky Mistakey is the name of Billy Ray Cyrus's 90's haircut.
Tomorrow night, we are going to a redneck costume party. I still don't know what I am wearing. The sad thing is that when I tried to get ideas about what to wear, I conjured up thoughts of one of my great uncles, and from there I decided that I needed some tight jeans, a gold chain, tinted glasses, a man-perm, and some boots. Annnnnd an open collar shirt showing some chest hair.
Tara just said, "What if your great uncle reads your blog?"
The one I am thinking of -- I have several -- is pretty tech savvy, so it is entirely possible that he too stalks my blog without telling me. I know he is tech savvy because at the last family reunion he walked around taking random pictures of everyone on his cell phone. When I say random pictures, I don't mean pictures of people posing and doing goofy things. I mean he would take a picture of someone having a conversation or eating a piece of chicken, while they looked at him like "What are you doing?" That kind of random picture.
His wife used to call WLWI (local country station) about ten times a day to request songs and talk to the DJs. She was always winning trivia questions and Alan Jackson concert tickets. This same aunt also tried to sue someone for a neck injury from a car accident... but she continued to pitch (remarkably well) for church league softball games while wearing her neck brace. She lost her case.
While I am talking about this branch of the family tree, I feel like I should tell you that one of my other great aunts diagnosed herself with an allergy to... get this... paper. It was hilarious. She would open the mail like you might touch a hot pan. One time, my great-grandmother was sitting across the room reading her Bible, and she hollered at her, "CLOSE THAT BIBLE, MAMA! IT'S MAKING ME ITCH!" I wish I had been there to see the look on Granny's face.
Anyway, thanks to my connections, I have a vision of redneck that I could probably pull off best if I had a chance to thrift store shop tomorrow, but for the sake of time, I think I am just going to have to shop in my own closet.
However, I did borrow a fantastic mullet wig this afternoon from a family from church, and I am posting a picture of it for Jennifer Graham, if no one else.
MER hasn't spent a lot of time at the state fair or NASCAR events, so she didn't quite know what to make of it. I think if I ever live in the wild for a year, I will absolutely sport a mullet. It feels so manly.
One last story, since we're talking mullets. My sophomore year of college, I took a speech class at University of Mobile. It was clear from the beginning that the professor did not care much for me, so since I knew I wouldn't get an A, I just decided to push his buttons. The fourth or fifth speech he assigned was a eulogy. While most people eulogized their pets and grandparents, I eulogized the mullet hairstyle. I got a C-, I think, but it was a lot of fun. Everyone liked it except the teacher.
End of story time. Good night, and trick or treat.
Tomorrow night, we are going to a redneck costume party. I still don't know what I am wearing. The sad thing is that when I tried to get ideas about what to wear, I conjured up thoughts of one of my great uncles, and from there I decided that I needed some tight jeans, a gold chain, tinted glasses, a man-perm, and some boots. Annnnnd an open collar shirt showing some chest hair.
Tara just said, "What if your great uncle reads your blog?"
The one I am thinking of -- I have several -- is pretty tech savvy, so it is entirely possible that he too stalks my blog without telling me. I know he is tech savvy because at the last family reunion he walked around taking random pictures of everyone on his cell phone. When I say random pictures, I don't mean pictures of people posing and doing goofy things. I mean he would take a picture of someone having a conversation or eating a piece of chicken, while they looked at him like "What are you doing?" That kind of random picture.
His wife used to call WLWI (local country station) about ten times a day to request songs and talk to the DJs. She was always winning trivia questions and Alan Jackson concert tickets. This same aunt also tried to sue someone for a neck injury from a car accident... but she continued to pitch (remarkably well) for church league softball games while wearing her neck brace. She lost her case.
While I am talking about this branch of the family tree, I feel like I should tell you that one of my other great aunts diagnosed herself with an allergy to... get this... paper. It was hilarious. She would open the mail like you might touch a hot pan. One time, my great-grandmother was sitting across the room reading her Bible, and she hollered at her, "CLOSE THAT BIBLE, MAMA! IT'S MAKING ME ITCH!" I wish I had been there to see the look on Granny's face.
Anyway, thanks to my connections, I have a vision of redneck that I could probably pull off best if I had a chance to thrift store shop tomorrow, but for the sake of time, I think I am just going to have to shop in my own closet.
However, I did borrow a fantastic mullet wig this afternoon from a family from church, and I am posting a picture of it for Jennifer Graham, if no one else.
MER hasn't spent a lot of time at the state fair or NASCAR events, so she didn't quite know what to make of it. I think if I ever live in the wild for a year, I will absolutely sport a mullet. It feels so manly.One last story, since we're talking mullets. My sophomore year of college, I took a speech class at University of Mobile. It was clear from the beginning that the professor did not care much for me, so since I knew I wouldn't get an A, I just decided to push his buttons. The fourth or fifth speech he assigned was a eulogy. While most people eulogized their pets and grandparents, I eulogized the mullet hairstyle. I got a C-, I think, but it was a lot of fun. Everyone liked it except the teacher.
End of story time. Good night, and trick or treat.
10/24/2009
Randopalooza
It has been a while, so I am going to give you a good taste of all things running through my head.
1. Glory to God, it is October 24 and I have not had a sinus infection yet.
2. Global warming is crock. It has been cold. Often. And it is not even December yet.
2a. I can't wait for December.
3. I am starting 1/2 marathon training again. You know you want to run with me. Come on.
4. It really, really, REALLY bothers me when people say supposebly instead of supposedly. What is that? Who ever supposebed anything? Is it like the person confuses "possibly" with "supposedly?" I don't know.
5. At our house, we have mastered demonstrative pronouns with MER. EVERYTHING is either dis or dat. I wonder if she knows the difference -- that "this" is near and "that" is across the room?
6. Every Friday night this month, we have had guests in our house for something or another. I kind of like it like that.
7. I have been studying the Proverbs on doing justice and it is rocking my little wanna-be lawyer world. I love Proverbs.
8. If you live in Montgomery, you know that everything about Ann Street is for your sanctification. Especially Wal-mart's. Chick-fil-a on Ann Street is like your reward for suffering through Ann Street to get there. Bless Chick-fil-a.
9. Have you ever wished a hail storm would come through town and mess up your roof so that the insurance company would pay for it instead of your savings account? Yeah. I have.
10. One day, when I don't work where I work any more, I am going to write about ten blogs that will make you laugh really hard.
11. If you have ever wanted to go sacred harp singing with me, you need to mark your calendar for the third Saturday in January. Auburn... all day. Let's go.
12. Do you know people who love medical drama? Not like ER or Chicago Hope, althogh they probably like those shows, too. I mean, people who love to have an ailment or an upcoming medical procedure so that they can talk about it. Then, when their tests come back negative, it is almost like they are disappointed there is not actually something wrong with them because they don't have anything to talk about anymore. If you sneeze more than once, they tell you that you probably have swine flu and you should get it checked out. I don't get it. I like being healthy and never going to the doctor. Don't they?
Do I disqualify myself from complaining about this since I fret about sinus infections? Mmm. Sorry for the hypocrisy.
13. I think it is time to wrap this up. Miss you guys. Funny story coming your way soon.
1. Glory to God, it is October 24 and I have not had a sinus infection yet.
2. Global warming is crock. It has been cold. Often. And it is not even December yet.
2a. I can't wait for December.
3. I am starting 1/2 marathon training again. You know you want to run with me. Come on.
4. It really, really, REALLY bothers me when people say supposebly instead of supposedly. What is that? Who ever supposebed anything? Is it like the person confuses "possibly" with "supposedly?" I don't know.
5. At our house, we have mastered demonstrative pronouns with MER. EVERYTHING is either dis or dat. I wonder if she knows the difference -- that "this" is near and "that" is across the room?
6. Every Friday night this month, we have had guests in our house for something or another. I kind of like it like that.
7. I have been studying the Proverbs on doing justice and it is rocking my little wanna-be lawyer world. I love Proverbs.
8. If you live in Montgomery, you know that everything about Ann Street is for your sanctification. Especially Wal-mart's. Chick-fil-a on Ann Street is like your reward for suffering through Ann Street to get there. Bless Chick-fil-a.
9. Have you ever wished a hail storm would come through town and mess up your roof so that the insurance company would pay for it instead of your savings account? Yeah. I have.
10. One day, when I don't work where I work any more, I am going to write about ten blogs that will make you laugh really hard.
11. If you have ever wanted to go sacred harp singing with me, you need to mark your calendar for the third Saturday in January. Auburn... all day. Let's go.
12. Do you know people who love medical drama? Not like ER or Chicago Hope, althogh they probably like those shows, too. I mean, people who love to have an ailment or an upcoming medical procedure so that they can talk about it. Then, when their tests come back negative, it is almost like they are disappointed there is not actually something wrong with them because they don't have anything to talk about anymore. If you sneeze more than once, they tell you that you probably have swine flu and you should get it checked out. I don't get it. I like being healthy and never going to the doctor. Don't they?
Do I disqualify myself from complaining about this since I fret about sinus infections? Mmm. Sorry for the hypocrisy.
13. I think it is time to wrap this up. Miss you guys. Funny story coming your way soon.
10/16/2009
Helium Hype
I feel pretty certain you've heard about the strange scientist(?) family from Colorado and their son, Falcon, who didn't really climb in or fall out of a flying saucer/balloon. Not to exploit them anymore than they have already exploited themselves by participating in a reality TV show and about 12 TV interviews, BUT... if you want to watch some the most socially awkward live TV ever, you might want to watch this video. What do you do when your kid throws up during a Today Show interview and Meredith Vieira keeps asking you if he is a lie? Watch and see.
10/14/2009
Squirrel v. Bear
My wife and I have very different and non-compatible eating styles. If you noticed on Facebook this week, we recently had a showdown over my inhalation of a bag of candy corn. She still loves me, and I still love her, in spite of our contention over sugar.
I liken our eating styles to squirrels and bears. Tara is a squirrel. I am a bear.
Now, if any of this squirrel-bear stuff is not true, please forgive me. I have not thought about squirrels and bears and other mammals since fourth grade life science. English major - remember?
If memory serves me correctly, squirrels like to eat a little at a time, but more than eating, they like to store up their harvest of nuts for later. Bears, on the contrary, like to eat several boy scouts all at once before sleeping through winter. (Tara eats nuts on occasion, but for the record, I have never eaten a boy scout.)
Something in me - don't call it evolution - makes me inclined to eat as much as possible when it is (1) tasty, (2) available, and (3) cheap. I think that I acquired this inclination as a student. College students will eat anything in order to survive. You don't know where the next $20 is coming from, so you devour what you can when you can. Now, I was and am perfectly content to suffer want for several days after gorging myself. I remind myself that I just ate a lot of food and I can hold off for a while. Really, I can.
My wife, on the other hand, likes to savor every bite slowly and save some for later. If she makes a batch of cookies (let's say 24) her intention - without my interruption - would be to eat 4 cookies a day for 6 days.
That strategy is absolutely ludicrous to me. My intention is to eat 12 cookies tonight, and 12 tomorrow. If I do not get another cookie for a month, so be it. I will have had my fill already.
So what invariably happens is that my sweet wife makes 24 cookies, I come home, eat 4 immediately, and she says, "Easy, killer! You're not going to have any left tomorrow and then you'll be wishing you had saved some. Don't forget, I get 12 and you get 12."
I say, "OK. So how many have you had so far?"
"One," says she.
"Well... I need six tonight for sure."
"No, you don't."
"Mmmm... yes I do."
"Ben! You don't!"
Hopefully you can sense the tension. I believe in all sincerity in eating a dozen cookies as quickly as possible, and my wife feels religious-like-zeal that a dozen cookies should be rationed. Because I am a bear, my sweet wife feels obliged to do one of two things to try to compete with my bear-like appetite. She either (1) tries to keep up with my pace, or (2) hides the cookies away like a squirrel. When she tries to keep up, she feels sick to her stomach. She was not made for 6 cookies in one sitting. Alternatively, when she hides the cookies away, she eventually offers me some 5 days later, and to me, a cookie is past its prime at that point; nevertheless, I accept it. She reminds me that if I was like her, I would not have been at her mercy for the five-day old cookie. I tell her she is a most gracious woman - because she is.
This replay of events is very predictable -- so predictable that I feel very comfortable blogging about it. Now, you can judge me for being ravenous, or you can judge my wife for being prudent, but all I really wanted to do was entertain you. Now. You tell me. Are you more like me or my wife? Is it a man-thing / woman-thing? Or is it just personality?
I liken our eating styles to squirrels and bears. Tara is a squirrel. I am a bear.
Now, if any of this squirrel-bear stuff is not true, please forgive me. I have not thought about squirrels and bears and other mammals since fourth grade life science. English major - remember?
If memory serves me correctly, squirrels like to eat a little at a time, but more than eating, they like to store up their harvest of nuts for later. Bears, on the contrary, like to eat several boy scouts all at once before sleeping through winter. (Tara eats nuts on occasion, but for the record, I have never eaten a boy scout.)
Something in me - don't call it evolution - makes me inclined to eat as much as possible when it is (1) tasty, (2) available, and (3) cheap. I think that I acquired this inclination as a student. College students will eat anything in order to survive. You don't know where the next $20 is coming from, so you devour what you can when you can. Now, I was and am perfectly content to suffer want for several days after gorging myself. I remind myself that I just ate a lot of food and I can hold off for a while. Really, I can.
My wife, on the other hand, likes to savor every bite slowly and save some for later. If she makes a batch of cookies (let's say 24) her intention - without my interruption - would be to eat 4 cookies a day for 6 days.
That strategy is absolutely ludicrous to me. My intention is to eat 12 cookies tonight, and 12 tomorrow. If I do not get another cookie for a month, so be it. I will have had my fill already.
So what invariably happens is that my sweet wife makes 24 cookies, I come home, eat 4 immediately, and she says, "Easy, killer! You're not going to have any left tomorrow and then you'll be wishing you had saved some. Don't forget, I get 12 and you get 12."
I say, "OK. So how many have you had so far?"
"One," says she.
"Well... I need six tonight for sure."
"No, you don't."
"Mmmm... yes I do."
"Ben! You don't!"
Hopefully you can sense the tension. I believe in all sincerity in eating a dozen cookies as quickly as possible, and my wife feels religious-like-zeal that a dozen cookies should be rationed. Because I am a bear, my sweet wife feels obliged to do one of two things to try to compete with my bear-like appetite. She either (1) tries to keep up with my pace, or (2) hides the cookies away like a squirrel. When she tries to keep up, she feels sick to her stomach. She was not made for 6 cookies in one sitting. Alternatively, when she hides the cookies away, she eventually offers me some 5 days later, and to me, a cookie is past its prime at that point; nevertheless, I accept it. She reminds me that if I was like her, I would not have been at her mercy for the five-day old cookie. I tell her she is a most gracious woman - because she is.
This replay of events is very predictable -- so predictable that I feel very comfortable blogging about it. Now, you can judge me for being ravenous, or you can judge my wife for being prudent, but all I really wanted to do was entertain you. Now. You tell me. Are you more like me or my wife? Is it a man-thing / woman-thing? Or is it just personality?
10/10/2009
Babies and Dollar Signs
More free advice. Hooray!
Today, one of my pastors -Randy - is turning 40. In honor of his birthday, I will share some of his advice about having children that I have not forgotten.
He said - and I have not forgotten: "If you wait until you think you can afford to have children, you will never have children."
That is so, so true.
There are websites that were made to help you calculate the expense that each child in your family will bring you. I would link to such websites, but they will terrify you. These sources will basically tell you that you will spend half a million dollars helping a kid make it from the delivery room to his college graduation ceremony.
However, these websites assume that you are brand-conscious, that you will need to buy baby formula, that Johnny or Susie will certainly take ballet or violin lessons for ten years, that your spouse will work and you will thus need childcare, that they will never wear hand-me-down clothes or use hand-me-down playpens. They will also calculate college tuition at Vanderbilt rates rather than community college rates. So, basically, in my opinion, these sources are untrustworthy.
Back to the gist of what I really think Randy means, though. You will always, always, always think that your income needs to be spent on something else -- maybe a new car, home repairs, retirement savings, etc. But these sorts of issues will never go away. Your car will always be one day older. Your roof or your carpet or your cabinets will always need replacing or updating. Your retirement planning will always need more money to keep up with inflation. If you wait until you are 100% financially airtight to have a children, you will be 62. And then of course, you can't have babies, unless of course you saved another half a million dollars to invest in medical treatments.
So why not just start having children when your body was meant to have them instead, and deal with the financial pressures as you're able?
That's all I have to say about that.
Today, one of my pastors -Randy - is turning 40. In honor of his birthday, I will share some of his advice about having children that I have not forgotten.
He said - and I have not forgotten: "If you wait until you think you can afford to have children, you will never have children."
That is so, so true.
There are websites that were made to help you calculate the expense that each child in your family will bring you. I would link to such websites, but they will terrify you. These sources will basically tell you that you will spend half a million dollars helping a kid make it from the delivery room to his college graduation ceremony.
However, these websites assume that you are brand-conscious, that you will need to buy baby formula, that Johnny or Susie will certainly take ballet or violin lessons for ten years, that your spouse will work and you will thus need childcare, that they will never wear hand-me-down clothes or use hand-me-down playpens. They will also calculate college tuition at Vanderbilt rates rather than community college rates. So, basically, in my opinion, these sources are untrustworthy.
Back to the gist of what I really think Randy means, though. You will always, always, always think that your income needs to be spent on something else -- maybe a new car, home repairs, retirement savings, etc. But these sorts of issues will never go away. Your car will always be one day older. Your roof or your carpet or your cabinets will always need replacing or updating. Your retirement planning will always need more money to keep up with inflation. If you wait until you are 100% financially airtight to have a children, you will be 62. And then of course, you can't have babies, unless of course you saved another half a million dollars to invest in medical treatments.
So why not just start having children when your body was meant to have them instead, and deal with the financial pressures as you're able?
That's all I have to say about that.
10/08/2009
How to Be Really Good at Something
It is sad to me that every year, Americans probably spend in the millions of dollars on self-help books and speakers that don't do them a dang bit of good. I feel like they could have just come to me and I would have told them (A) the truth; (B) the truth would have been free; and (C) I could probably give my advice in three or four sentences rather than 12 chapters or a PowerPoint lecture.
Take, for example, how to take control of your health. I would tell you:
(1) Exercise vigorously daily.
(2) Don't eat so many doughnuts, okay?
(3) Quit taking unnecessary prescription and OTC medications.
I do these things - with the exception of refraining from doughnuts - and I feel 66% fantastic. If I would just imagine wearing a doughnut around my waist for the rest of my life, I would probably stop eating them, and then I would feel 100%.
Again, for example, how to avoid debt:
(1) Don't buy things you cannot afford.
(2) That's it.
Hopefully, I have proven my honesty and efficiency, as well as my willingness not to charge you money for advice. Assuming I have earned your trust and respect, I come to my post topic, which I blog about with complete sincerity: How to Be Really Good at Something. From what I have gathered from my short 26 years, I have come to these conclusions:
1. You need to find something that you are at least kind of good at.
2. You need to make sure you enjoy that something that you are at least kind of good at.
3. You need to study the Bible to get a Christian worldview of work (i.e., doing stuff that you're at least kind of good at).
4. You need to do what you've chosen to do (the stuff that you're at least kind of good at) like it matters to you. It will matter to you if the above three things are true.
First, what you choose to do should be something that you're at least kind of good at because if you aren't good at it, (1) you will experience frustration, (2) you will likely suffer job loss, unless you work for the government, and (3) other people will suffer. If you do not believe this, you need to watch try-outs for American Idol next spring. A lot of people will be kind of good at singing. They may or may not make it to the next round. But a lot of other people will be kind of not good or just downright terrible singers. Note, these persons will: (1) be frustrated when they learn they are not Mariah Carey; (2) not get gainful employment as a singer (exception: William Hung who IS good at warming people's hearts); (3) cause many innocent people to cover their ears and moan. Hopefully, you are seeing the necessity of being kind of good at something. We're talking like 51%tile or better, here.
Second, you need to make certain that you love to do this thing that you are good at. How do you know that you love it? Well, you'll talk about it. You'll want to do better at it. You'll believe that it is important. You'll study ways to do it well. Today, I helped an attorney dig through boxes and boxes and boxes of thirteen year old files, looking for one crummy deposition of some witness that could make or break his case. Now, this attorney literally spent four hours of his life rummaging through dusty boxes. When he was done, I asked him what his case was about and what he needed this deposition for, and I honestly expected him to give me a rushed, one sentence explanation.
Instead, the guy's eyes lit up and he spent at least fifteen minutes explaining all sorts of law that I barely understood. But he engaged me and I listened the entire time, not because I wanted to do the same things, but because he was genuinely interested in the work that he has done for his clients. I find enthusiasm about digging through evidence to be remarkable. I find that sort of commitment to clients inspiring. I honestly believe this man is a successful attorney, not because he is so smart or so well-spoken (he seemed pretty average to me) but because he loves what he does, and he happens to be pretty good at it.
Third, you need a Christian worldview of work. This is strikingly absent in many Christians' lives. The Bible informs us that (1) God made us, in our untainted state, to nurture and subdue the earth; (2) sin marred us and made work laborious, sweaty, and painful; (3) Jesus has redeemed us from the curse of sin, and (4) he calls us to do our laborious, sweaty, and painful work as though we are doing it for HIM and not for men. If you believe those things about work, you will find satisfaction and pleasure in any vocational calling that you are gifted to fulfill. A strong Christian worldview will rescue you from dissatisfaction, boredom, and laziness in your work. Work is a glorious gift to be cherished and used.
Finally, once you find something (1) you're good at, that (2) you enjoy, and (3) you believe to be an honor to God, all you have to do is (4) do it like you mean it. You need to put your hand to the plow or pen or keyboard or pan or string or wood or whatever it is you do. The more you do it, the better you'll do it; the better you are at it, the more of it you'll do, and the more you'll enjoy doing it. If you're thoughtful of God in your work, you'll be motivated to do both these things (improve work and enjoy work).
I think that is all I have to say about that. Take it or leave it.
All I know is that one day soon, I want to be a really good attorney for the glory of God.
Good night.
Take, for example, how to take control of your health. I would tell you:
(1) Exercise vigorously daily.
(2) Don't eat so many doughnuts, okay?
(3) Quit taking unnecessary prescription and OTC medications.
I do these things - with the exception of refraining from doughnuts - and I feel 66% fantastic. If I would just imagine wearing a doughnut around my waist for the rest of my life, I would probably stop eating them, and then I would feel 100%.
Again, for example, how to avoid debt:
(1) Don't buy things you cannot afford.
(2) That's it.
Hopefully, I have proven my honesty and efficiency, as well as my willingness not to charge you money for advice. Assuming I have earned your trust and respect, I come to my post topic, which I blog about with complete sincerity: How to Be Really Good at Something. From what I have gathered from my short 26 years, I have come to these conclusions:
1. You need to find something that you are at least kind of good at.
2. You need to make sure you enjoy that something that you are at least kind of good at.
3. You need to study the Bible to get a Christian worldview of work (i.e., doing stuff that you're at least kind of good at).
4. You need to do what you've chosen to do (the stuff that you're at least kind of good at) like it matters to you. It will matter to you if the above three things are true.
First, what you choose to do should be something that you're at least kind of good at because if you aren't good at it, (1) you will experience frustration, (2) you will likely suffer job loss, unless you work for the government, and (3) other people will suffer. If you do not believe this, you need to watch try-outs for American Idol next spring. A lot of people will be kind of good at singing. They may or may not make it to the next round. But a lot of other people will be kind of not good or just downright terrible singers. Note, these persons will: (1) be frustrated when they learn they are not Mariah Carey; (2) not get gainful employment as a singer (exception: William Hung who IS good at warming people's hearts); (3) cause many innocent people to cover their ears and moan. Hopefully, you are seeing the necessity of being kind of good at something. We're talking like 51%tile or better, here.
Second, you need to make certain that you love to do this thing that you are good at. How do you know that you love it? Well, you'll talk about it. You'll want to do better at it. You'll believe that it is important. You'll study ways to do it well. Today, I helped an attorney dig through boxes and boxes and boxes of thirteen year old files, looking for one crummy deposition of some witness that could make or break his case. Now, this attorney literally spent four hours of his life rummaging through dusty boxes. When he was done, I asked him what his case was about and what he needed this deposition for, and I honestly expected him to give me a rushed, one sentence explanation.
Instead, the guy's eyes lit up and he spent at least fifteen minutes explaining all sorts of law that I barely understood. But he engaged me and I listened the entire time, not because I wanted to do the same things, but because he was genuinely interested in the work that he has done for his clients. I find enthusiasm about digging through evidence to be remarkable. I find that sort of commitment to clients inspiring. I honestly believe this man is a successful attorney, not because he is so smart or so well-spoken (he seemed pretty average to me) but because he loves what he does, and he happens to be pretty good at it.
Third, you need a Christian worldview of work. This is strikingly absent in many Christians' lives. The Bible informs us that (1) God made us, in our untainted state, to nurture and subdue the earth; (2) sin marred us and made work laborious, sweaty, and painful; (3) Jesus has redeemed us from the curse of sin, and (4) he calls us to do our laborious, sweaty, and painful work as though we are doing it for HIM and not for men. If you believe those things about work, you will find satisfaction and pleasure in any vocational calling that you are gifted to fulfill. A strong Christian worldview will rescue you from dissatisfaction, boredom, and laziness in your work. Work is a glorious gift to be cherished and used.
Finally, once you find something (1) you're good at, that (2) you enjoy, and (3) you believe to be an honor to God, all you have to do is (4) do it like you mean it. You need to put your hand to the plow or pen or keyboard or pan or string or wood or whatever it is you do. The more you do it, the better you'll do it; the better you are at it, the more of it you'll do, and the more you'll enjoy doing it. If you're thoughtful of God in your work, you'll be motivated to do both these things (improve work and enjoy work).
I think that is all I have to say about that. Take it or leave it.
All I know is that one day soon, I want to be a really good attorney for the glory of God.
Good night.
10/05/2009
How to Feel Gross, 26th Birthday, CVS, etc.
1. You know those days when you just feel gross? Not sick, but gross? All day? Last night, I pulled a grandpa and fell asleep READING at 9:00. I overslept this morning and did not exercise as I would normally. I ate a hot pocket and two pieces of leftover birthday cake for lunch. AND every time I looked in the mirror, I experienced angst over the conflicting facts that (1) I desperately need a haircut and (2) I want to let it grow.
All I can say is: gross. Did I mention I came home and ate more left over cake after class tonight? Super gross.
Lesson learned: too much sleep, birthday cake, and sideburns are bad for your self-esteem.
2. I am so glad that you guys enjoyed that leprechaun video. R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S.
3. This last birthday went off pretty well. I held to my guns and didn't try to plan an awesome day, and it worked out to my advantage. I expected a mediocre day and got a pretty awesome one instead. Thanks, providence. Only 3 more birthdays that start with a "2."
4. My precious wife is getting better and better and robbing Publix and CVS with coupons and extra care bucks (ECBs). It is getting to the point that she is coming home with stuff we don't even eat because she got it for $0.07. I have never liked (1) breakfast cereal or (2) pickles, but I have been encouraged to eat both today because we got them for free. Do any of you want some pickles or Cocoa Puffs? Not at the same time, of course.
By the way, she has been blogging a lot more lately. Check her out.
5. I really, REALLY ought to be doing school work right now, so I am going to jet.
All I can say is: gross. Did I mention I came home and ate more left over cake after class tonight? Super gross.
Lesson learned: too much sleep, birthday cake, and sideburns are bad for your self-esteem.
2. I am so glad that you guys enjoyed that leprechaun video. R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S.
3. This last birthday went off pretty well. I held to my guns and didn't try to plan an awesome day, and it worked out to my advantage. I expected a mediocre day and got a pretty awesome one instead. Thanks, providence. Only 3 more birthdays that start with a "2."
4. My precious wife is getting better and better and robbing Publix and CVS with coupons and extra care bucks (ECBs). It is getting to the point that she is coming home with stuff we don't even eat because she got it for $0.07. I have never liked (1) breakfast cereal or (2) pickles, but I have been encouraged to eat both today because we got them for free. Do any of you want some pickles or Cocoa Puffs? Not at the same time, of course.
By the way, she has been blogging a lot more lately. Check her out.
5. I really, REALLY ought to be doing school work right now, so I am going to jet.
10/02/2009
Some Things Never Get Old
Someone tonight reminded me that this really happened, and I enjoyed it all over again like it was the first time. "To me, it look like a leprechaun to me." Enjoy.
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